If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we're so committed to being not committed
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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