Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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