She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
