Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
