And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
