fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
