when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
