Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
