He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
