dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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