I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
