Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize