i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
