dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
