Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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