we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
