i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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