she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
