someone get that fucking seahorse.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
