so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
