It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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