Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
