i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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