im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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