are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
