mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
