SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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