The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize