i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
