Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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