When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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