so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
