those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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