When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
