I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
