I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
