u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize