we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
