is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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