I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
