You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
