my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
