Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
