we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
