How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
