I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
