break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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