Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
