You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
