Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
