Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
