we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize