i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
