D3 body, D1 cock
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't turn off my feet"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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