He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
