Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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