i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
