Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
