he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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