that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
