My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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