gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sober January is a disaster.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
