you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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