I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
