weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
