You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
