I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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