He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your penis caused this!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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