Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
