I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
50% drunk capacity currently
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize