i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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