Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
