I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Quick, to the slutcave!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
