She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
