Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
