im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
