I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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