Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
