I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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