Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
