Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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