1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were trust falling into bushes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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