Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
