I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we're making bets on your personal life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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