Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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