He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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