I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
