Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
