I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am available for nakedness
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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