You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
