He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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