found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
