i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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