At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
