I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hell yes lets make some ravioli
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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