cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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