i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
