My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
