How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
