We named our party play list daddy issues
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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