im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
