Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
