Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
