They should really pass out barf bags in church
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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