we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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