you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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