I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
