and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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