There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
