i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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