sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
